Since I've made it public that I'm currently going through sort of a major re-brand, I've gotten so many "oooh, I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeve" and "tell me more, tell me more!" At first I was surprised by how many people were seriously curious and so supportive of whatever journey I was on. Then I realized that sometimes it takes change to bring those supporters to the surface again. And not just a "hey, I got a new Twitter handle" change, but a serious change. But it wasn't just my supporters that I was trying to rise to the surface this time, it was me. And I'm hoping that my story will tell you why ...
[ Let me read it to you! Go head, follow along! ]
Photography became my hobby...
Photography - something that became a passion of mine before I even realized it. I got my first DSLR camera my senior year of high school. For the next 3ish years, it became a great hobby of mine. I carried it with me often, snapping family gatherings, hang outs with friends, college events, and other life events such as the Obama Rally back in 2008. I had fun with it. I didn't look at it as a job or something that I could make a living off of. That is until someone who I very much looked up to at the time, a fellow student and hallmate, saw one of my photographs and told me that I was definitely in the wrong major. In case you didn't know, my major at the time was psychology. As you can imagine, I was extremely flattered, especially since the statement came from a very smart boy! Ooo la la. Just kidding. But seriously, what if I was in the wrong major? It became a thought that was on my mind from that day forward.
Depression + uncertainty...
I pushed through and made it to my sophomore year of college, still a psychology major. Sophomore year was a rough year for me. From finding out my Grandpa had lung cancer late freshman year and dealing with that, other family issues, a cheating boyfriend, rumors going around that I was the biggest slut on campus, and the list goes on. I'm probably sharing way too much with you all right now, but I just want to be real here. This is all a part of my story.
On top of all that other bologna, I was also starting to have serious doubts about my major and my decision to study to become an addictions counselor. At this rate, I felt I just needed to get out of there. I needed to remove myself from all the negativity and uncertainty. I will forever have this love and homesickness for my first college experience at Tiffin University, mostly because I know my experiences there are a huge part of who I am today. Thankfully the transition of leaving one college and going to another wasn't too heartbreaking, because my two very best friends from TU also made the decision to transfer. It was a weird thing, but a beautiful thing. It was almost like if we couldn't be there together, then we were better elsewhere, but still apart. I do think we all just outgrew what TU had to offer us.
One of those best friends and freshman roommate, transferred to the same school as me, Kent State University. I don't know what I would have done without her there! But it wasn't long until we realized we made a mistake. KSU was not for us, either. My god, what mess did we get ourselves into? Where do we belong? After one semester at KSU, my best friend found her way to the Navy, following her father's footsteps. I won't ever forget the tears that were shed in my parent's kitchen the night we said goodbye before she left for basic. Practically living together for the last two and a half years, we felt like family, like sisters. It was hard to see her go and to see us part ways, but I think now we can both agree that no matter how different where we are today is from our original plans we spent many late nights talking about, we are where we're supposed to be.
She joined the Navy and my other best friend moved to Chicago where her mom was living, so where did that leave me? Back home, again, uncertain about a life that I used to feel so confident about. I ended up deciding that this photography thing was something more than just a hobby. I talked my dad into being more open about attending art school, and before I knew it, I was enrolled at The Academy of Art University.
Feeling like myself again. Scratch that. Feeling like my best self for the first time...
I finally felt like I had my mojo back. I was thriving like never before. Acing all of my assignments, taking photographs nearly every day, moving into my first apartment, getting my first real job, paying my first real bills, and that passion... that passion was what kept my blood pumping. At least that's what it felt like!
2011 is when I first got paid for my photography. I photographed a wedding, which led to photographing many portraits over the next couple of years. It was something I never thought I had any interest in doing. I always imagined myself being some famous fine art photographer or working with magazines, not some nobody portrait photographer in a small town (don't hate me, I was ignorant). But the money and the experience was much needed. And I'm sure glad as hell that I did it, because I fell in love with it.
Portrait photography became my new thing, which sort of fudged with my plan of becoming a fine art photographer and being less than 10 classes away from getting my BA in fine art photography. Because of this shift, I struggled in class for 2 semesters. I no longer put school as a priority. I wasn't putting hardly any effort, if any at all, into my assignments and my work. All I wanted to do was be a portrait photographer and run my own business. But I continued to go through the motions of school, just focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. I focused on my portrait photography business in my free time, which I made plenty of because I grew so passionate about it. I made huge and professional decisions, such as, starting a blog and focusing solely on women's portraiture.
The last chapter, but not the final chapter...
After months of building this brand and it quickly growing into my number one priority as schooling went to the back burner, it became pretty apparent that something had to happen because my spark was slowly dimming. My dad sat me down to have this casual yet serious conversation about my dreams. He asked questions like "what do you want to do, Ali?" Pretty broad, right? What do I want to do? I had the answer in my head and in my heart, but for so long, it was hard to put it into words. With my dad's suggestion and permission, I made the decision to take a semester off of school. We both believed, along with my mom and my fiancé, that I needed this time to find myself again. The idea of prolonging my graduation date made me sick to my stomach, but I warmed up to the idea. After all, I can always return. AAU will always be there.
I bet you're finally wondering how all of this has anything to do with that first paragraph you read at the beginning of this post - don't worry we're getting there. That conversation I had with my dad happened just about 3 months ago. Where am I today? A much better place, seriously, even happier than I was before and I'm not even to the finish line yet. Actually, I hope I never reach that finish line, because I'm starting to feel as if the journey is what feeds our happiness. Sure, accomplishments are great, but the hard work that goes into them is what makes us who we are.
The future...
So far during my time off, I've discovered ways to mesh all of who I was from the beginning of this journey to now. That psychologist wannabe who just wants to give advice and help others. That fine art photographer who's work makes you think. That women's portrait photographer who somehow casts a confident spell on you and makes your inner beauty radiate. That blogger who will always be growing, but is today confident in knowing that she wants to change women's lives for the better. She wants to befriend, inspire, teach, empower, and laugh until she cries... and she wants to do it all with you.
So will you join me on this crazy journey that is full of twists and turns and ups and downs? I promise to always be here for you. And I promise that there are some awesome things in store. I'm not 100% sure when my business, brand, and blog will be complete - probably never - but I do know that today, my blog is strong and it is thriving and it's where I hope to see you again.
To learn more about the 6 current series on the blog, read this recent post that goes more in depth of what xoalibee.com is all about.
Call to Action:
Depression + uncertainty...
I pushed through and made it to my sophomore year of college, still a psychology major. Sophomore year was a rough year for me. From finding out my Grandpa had lung cancer late freshman year and dealing with that, other family issues, a cheating boyfriend, rumors going around that I was the biggest slut on campus, and the list goes on. I'm probably sharing way too much with you all right now, but I just want to be real here. This is all a part of my story.
On top of all that other bologna, I was also starting to have serious doubts about my major and my decision to study to become an addictions counselor. At this rate, I felt I just needed to get out of there. I needed to remove myself from all the negativity and uncertainty. I will forever have this love and homesickness for my first college experience at Tiffin University, mostly because I know my experiences there are a huge part of who I am today. Thankfully the transition of leaving one college and going to another wasn't too heartbreaking, because my two very best friends from TU also made the decision to transfer. It was a weird thing, but a beautiful thing. It was almost like if we couldn't be there together, then we were better elsewhere, but still apart. I do think we all just outgrew what TU had to offer us.
I finally felt like I had my mojo back. I was thriving like never before. Acing all of my assignments, taking photographs nearly every day, moving into my first apartment, getting my first real job, paying my first real bills, and that passion... that passion was what kept my blood pumping. At least that's what it felt like!
2011 is when I first got paid for my photography. I photographed a wedding, which led to photographing many portraits over the next couple of years. It was something I never thought I had any interest in doing. I always imagined myself being some famous fine art photographer or working with magazines, not some nobody portrait photographer in a small town (don't hate me, I was ignorant). But the money and the experience was much needed. And I'm sure glad as hell that I did it, because I fell in love with it.
Portrait photography became my new thing, which sort of fudged with my plan of becoming a fine art photographer and being less than 10 classes away from getting my BA in fine art photography. Because of this shift, I struggled in class for 2 semesters. I no longer put school as a priority. I wasn't putting hardly any effort, if any at all, into my assignments and my work. All I wanted to do was be a portrait photographer and run my own business. But I continued to go through the motions of school, just focusing on the light at the end of the tunnel. I focused on my portrait photography business in my free time, which I made plenty of because I grew so passionate about it. I made huge and professional decisions, such as, starting a blog and focusing solely on women's portraiture.
After months of building this brand and it quickly growing into my number one priority as schooling went to the back burner, it became pretty apparent that something had to happen because my spark was slowly dimming. My dad sat me down to have this casual yet serious conversation about my dreams. He asked questions like "what do you want to do, Ali?" Pretty broad, right? What do I want to do? I had the answer in my head and in my heart, but for so long, it was hard to put it into words. With my dad's suggestion and permission, I made the decision to take a semester off of school. We both believed, along with my mom and my fiancé, that I needed this time to find myself again. The idea of prolonging my graduation date made me sick to my stomach, but I warmed up to the idea. After all, I can always return. AAU will always be there.
I bet you're finally wondering how all of this has anything to do with that first paragraph you read at the beginning of this post - don't worry we're getting there. That conversation I had with my dad happened just about 3 months ago. Where am I today? A much better place, seriously, even happier than I was before and I'm not even to the finish line yet. Actually, I hope I never reach that finish line, because I'm starting to feel as if the journey is what feeds our happiness. Sure, accomplishments are great, but the hard work that goes into them is what makes us who we are.
The future...
So far during my time off, I've discovered ways to mesh all of who I was from the beginning of this journey to now. That psychologist wannabe who just wants to give advice and help others. That fine art photographer who's work makes you think. That women's portrait photographer who somehow casts a confident spell on you and makes your inner beauty radiate. That blogger who will always be growing, but is today confident in knowing that she wants to change women's lives for the better. She wants to befriend, inspire, teach, empower, and laugh until she cries... and she wants to do it all with you.
So will you join me on this crazy journey that is full of twists and turns and ups and downs? I promise to always be here for you. And I promise that there are some awesome things in store. I'm not 100% sure when my business, brand, and blog will be complete - probably never - but I do know that today, my blog is strong and it is thriving and it's where I hope to see you again.
To learn more about the 6 current series on the blog, read this recent post that goes more in depth of what xoalibee.com is all about.
Call to Action:
- Be sure to sign up for my newsletter aka the BeeIP List! Trust me, it's a list you'll want to be on in the near future. Coming soon will be exclusive tips, advice, and inspiration to living a successful and happy life!
- I'm also on bloglovin', Instagram, and Twitter! Let be friends, okay? :)
- Lastly, but certainly not least, comment down below how you discovered my blog. Also, I want to know what you think brings out the happiness in you more - the journey or the accomplishments?
Great post Ali!!
ReplyDeleteThanks, girl! xo
DeleteYou go girl. Way to shine on!
ReplyDelete